but, I don't want to

I don’t want to go, said my husband a couple nights ago.

He was talking about staying overnight at his parents house over the weekend.

There would be the 2 ½ hour drive each way.

Then there would be loud tv.

Because, everyone knows, 80-somethings just can’t hear worth a darn.

He knew he would have to sit through old movies, like 1940s old movies.

The type of movies where everything is slow and drawn out over 3 hours.

And, maybe even in black and white.

But, I didn’t have to ask if he was going.

I knew he was going.

I knew he didn’t want to go right then, right now.

But, I knew he wanted to go for what he would get out of it later, how he would benefit in the long term.

The Whole Story 

You see, It’s very important to tell yourself the whole story.

We rarely want to do things that don’t seem enjoyable in the moment.

Like exercise or getting our bills paid or visiting our parents.

Our brains just don’t work that way.

Our brains work on the principles of getting as much pleasure as we can, avoiding pain at all costs, and using as little energy as possible.

These principles are called the motivational triad, and they kept our cavemen ancestors alive.

But, now they don’t serve us so much.

Now we whine and procrastinate and tell ourselves we’ll get to those things later.

Just because we don’t want to do it right now.

Expanding Our View

But, if we expand our view of the situation and ask ourselves,

Do I want to have done it? 

How am I going to feel after I’ve done it?

Then we’ll most likely get a totally different answer.

Yes, I want to have exercised.

I’ll feel awesome afterwards.

I’ve never exercised without feeling more alive and invigorated and having a sense of pride at getting it done.

The same with paying bills and visiting parents.

The feeling of having done those things is so satisfying.

I definitely want to have done it.

And, the only way I’m going to get that good afterglow is by starting,

Even if I don’t really want to start right now.

My husband texted me that evening.

I have a headache. The tv is blasting.

Why is it so loud? I asked.

Didn’t your mom just get hearing aids?

She did. But, my dad still wants it loud.

Oh bummer. I hope you get to go to bed soon.

Yep, they go to sleep by 8pm, so they can wake up at 4:30 and do the laundry, eat, and get a start on the day by 7am.

Ah well. We’re next in line. Hopefully our kids will visit us.

Celebrate

Let me tell you another thing about long term wants. 

The harder it is to get through the thing that you’re doing, the more amazing you’re going to feel on the other side.

I totally give you permission to celebrate yourself for doing hard things.

And, That’s a good reason to want to do it.

Take care,

xoxo Lani