everything is for me

A few days ago my mom had a stomach ache a few hours before she was supposed to meet with her pastor and my father to pray.

You have to go for me, she said to me.

What? Why don’t you just cancel it and do it later. It’s for you.

Because I already canceled last time and I don’t know how long dad will last.

Oh, ok.

Side note: I’m not religious. 

I went to Sunday School as a small child, but never as an adult.

My mom, on the other hand, has bibles and bible verses taped all over her apartment. 

The sicker she got over the last 3 decades, the more religious she became.

My Thought

So, as I was grumbling in my head imagining the endless prayer session, I had a thought.

Everything is for me. 

Yep that’s right, I believe that everything that happens to me helps me in some way, makes me a better person, is a win.

Everything is for me.

The universe works in my favor.

I have piles of evidence in my head that this thought is true.

And none to the contrary.

Panic Attacks

At one point in my life I had terrible daily panic attacks.

I thought I was going to die every time.

But, I didn’t die.

Instead I learned about the benefits of mindfulness, and meditation, and exercise.

I learned that we aren’t our thoughts. Thoughts can just pop into our minds out of the blue.

Even terrifying, hideous thoughts that you would never think on purpose.

I talked about this in Episode 15: 3 Frightening Symptoms of Chronic Stress

Now, I have a lot more compassion for the tricks our mind can play on us.

Now I use all the lessons I learned from those attacks to understand what other people might be going through.

Those panic attacks were for me.

Rheumatoid Arthritis

Another time I got severe joint pain.

It’s rheumatoid arthritis, the doctor said.

Over a few months, the pain spread from my fingers, to my whole hand, to my wrists, to my ankles.

But, I learned so much about nutrition and how it affects our bodies.

My husband and I totally changed the way we ate.

And, we’re more healthy now than we were before.

The joint pain was for me.

No Matter The Trial

A friend of mine has been through severe childhood abuse. 

Something that I can’t even begin to imagine.

And, even as she looks back, she says to herself, Everything is for me.

It’s a powerful thought.

No matter the trials I’ve been through, I hang onto that thought.

If I’m not better off yet, then I’m just not done learning the lesson.

I’m not seeing the transformation yet.

Sometimes it takes years or even decades to see how things worked out in my favor.

But, it always happens.

Every single time.

I met with the pastor and prayed for a few minutes with my father.

It was wonderful. 

Because the universe is always aligning on my side.

Soon after that another pastor called me. He was from my dad’s hospice.

He asked if I wanted him to pray for me over the phone.

I said, Sure, that would be nice.

Take care, bye.

xoxo Lani