I used to be smart until

My mom likes to tell people, Lani used to be so smart before she had that high fever.

My mom repeating that is something that happens. It’s a fact. And, we can’t change facts.

Facts Can't Hurt Us

But, you know what? Facts can’t hurt us because facts don’t cause our feelings.

What causes our feelings are what we make the facts mean.

Did you know, we can make what people say mean whatever we want?

When my mom says, She used to be so smart before the fever.

Here are some thoughts other people might make her comment mean.

No wonder I’m so dumb. I wish I never had that fever.

She’s so mean, I can’t believe she would say something so rude!

I’m not good enough at anything. I’m not even good enough for my own mother.

Aww, that’s so sad.

I’m damaged goods.

You know what I make it mean? 

That’s hilarious!

My husband and I even have a running joke.

Whenever I mess something up or make a mistake he says,

Well, it’s because of the fever!

And, I say, yep, it’s all because of the fever!

The thing about a criticism is that if it bothers you, you may think it’s true or partially true yourself.

In which case, you can say to yourself.

Yeah, I kind of see her point.

I kind of think the same thing sometimes.

Well, that’s just the way things turned out.

Or you might not think it has anything to do with you. Which it really doesn’t. It just has to do with the person saying it.

In which case, you might think.

How annoying. I’m glad I don’t live in her mind.

Or, She must have some mixed up reason for saying that.

If you don’t think it’s true at all or matters at all, like I do in this case.

Then, what you say to yourself might sound more like,

Oh well, I turned out fine anyway.

She’s allowed to tell whatever stories she wants.

And what you have to know is, whatever people say is a story they made up in their mind.

It’s not the truth or the facts. It’s just what they made the facts mean.

My Dad's Story

My dad used to have the idea that he should comment on people’s weight whenever he hadn’t seen them in a long time. It was his way of acknowledging to himself that it’s been a while and they’ve changed.

You put on a couple pounds since last time, haven’t you, he’d say.

I would tell him later, that’s not nice to say things like that.

What, it’s true, would be his reply.

He didn’t mean anything negative at all by saying that. He just figured, I’m just making an observation.

Here are some possible meanings to the question,

You put on a couple pounds, haven’t you?

Oh my gosh, he’s totally right. This is so embarrassing. I’m such a failure at sticking to my eating plan.

He’s so offensive. How rude.

Yep, he’s right. I should get back to my exercise routine someday.

I have? I haven’t really noticed. 

You Get to Decide

Even though one thought pops immediately into your head, You get to ultimately decide what you’re going to make this and every other circumstance mean.

You just need to stop. And see your thoughts for what they are; a story in your mind that you can either keep or not.  Then decide what you want to think on purpose.

Take care,

xoxo Lani