it's so sad

Tonight, one man was walking around with 2 hats on his head. One on top of the other.

I watched him as he carefully sorted newspapers and carefully refolded them one after the other.

Another guy was yelling obscenities once every 10 minutes at the top of his voice.

He had a dinner table all his own.

Presumably because no one else would want to eat next to that.

Ukulele Man

A third man came by us carrying his ukulele case.

He smiled and waved and walked by us twice before he stopped to talk.

This guy loved to talk, and always with a huge smile on his face, and lots of gesticulations.

He was saying regular words, and it sounded like regular sentences, but I couldn’t ever make out any meaning from the compilation of sentences.

I tried really hard too. Because he looked like he was telling us a story.

But, all I heard was a bunch of random sentences.

All this was going on around our dinner table tonight.

You see, we have a regular dinner table in the dementia ward where my dad lives.

It’s a wonderful place with white table cloth and cloth napkins to go along with the 5 course meal my dad gets served.

Tonight, my dad wasn’t hungry, so we were watching everyone else around us.

Ukelele man kept stopping by and talking and smiling and gesturing.

My face was getting tired from smiling back at him, he was so cute.

At one point, he played us a few bars of music in between his stories.

My mom asked him if he was a principal, which she knew he used to be.

And, he said yes and talked and talked.

As we finished up dinner, a lady walked by and said, We can’t get any food around here!

I laughed out loud since she had just finished eating 30 minutes before. 

It was a fun filled dinner.

When Everything Changed

But, once we got into the elevator, everything changed.

My mom slumped over and said, It’s so sad.

It’s so sad that principal doesn’t have any children. 

She was talking about ukulele man.

She looked as though she were about to cry.

She looked like she was feeling heartbroken, with her whole body, as we walked slowly back to her room.

What? I did not feel one bit of sadness for this man.

He obviously was one of the happiest men I’ve ever seen.

The Saddest Story

But, this is one of the saddest stories in the world to my mom.

She mentions, It’s so sad she doesn’t have any children or It’s so sad he doesn’t have any children as she points out people in her assisted living facility.

Oh boy, and when it comes to holidays she appoints herself cheer up squad to the person she knows that doesn’t have a child, because It’s so sad. 

She’ll probably invite some childless 95 year old widows to our Mother’s Day brunch.

The Real Story

Anyway, what I would like my mother to know is that it’s really not sad.

The sob story she’s telling herself is making her sad.

She’s sad from the meaning she’s giving this particular circumstance, not the actual circumstance.

Because facts don’t cause our feelings.

And, I’m pretty sure a 90-something year old is not going to be all sad that they don’t have children. I think they would have gotten past that idea long ago.

 Good & Not So Good Times To Be Sad

Here are some things I think are good things to be sad about:

When your pet dies,

when your loved one can’t do the things they used to do,

when you can’t help both your children and your parents at the same time

Here are some times I don’t think sadness is useful for you:

When someone else doesn’t have children, 

when someone else isn’t married, 

Or when someone else criticizes you, willingly or unwillingly. 

All of that stuff is their business, not yours.

I mentioned the last situation in blog post #9: I Used to Be Smart Until

It's Our Choice

My point is, We get to choose what we want to make things mean. 

We don’t have to stick with the first random story that pops into our minds either.

We get to make up our own reality with the conscious thinking side of our brain.

We have the option of whether we like the story and the feeling we’re experiencing at any moment.

It’s all up to us.

So, why not make it a good story?

Wishing you a happy, happy day, just like ukulele man.

Take care,

xoxo Lani