my over-stuffed sandwich

podcast

Hey!

I’m Lani, a mother, daughter, and life coach.

This is my place to gripe about all things that go along with caring for both your parents and your kids. I hope to show you that you’re not alone on this caregiving roller coaster. And, that we can do this. Let’s get going.

Are you part of the sandwich generation?

That's those of us smack dab in the middle of caring for both parents and dependent children.

So, last night my sister called me.

And, as soon as I answered she said, Hold on a minute, mom’s calling.

I'm going to merge our calls.

How’re you doing mom?, I said.

I’m not good. She was crying.

What's Wrong?

My whole body. My whole body is in pain.

I went to the doctor all morning, then went straight to visit your dad and didn’t get home until 4:30 this afternoon.

So, you didn’t take your lunch pills again?

No, I was too busy. So, I just took ‘em now.

And, I took my dinner pills too.

I don’t feel good.

At this point my brain is ping-ponging with thoughts and their corresponding emotions.

I need to get on a plane and fly out there. Panic

But, I was just there 2 weeks ago. Resentfulness

Maybe she’s overdosing. Fear

Why can’t she remember her lunch pills? Annoyance.

What if she dies. Terror.

This is my life.

This same scenario has gone on so many times over the last decade.

And, a few times I actually have dropped everything to get on the next plane.

My Sandwich

Let me tell you a little bit about my sandwich.

I’m Lani Yamafuji and I’m married to Dave. We’re in the middle.

Top of the Sandwich

On the top half are the parents.

I live almost 3000 miles away from my parents, who are 81 & 82.

My mom has lupus and other autoimmune diseases and my dad has dementia.

And, I actually consider myself their primary caregiver. That’s right.

I think it’s because I’m the oldest daughter, you know the responsible level headed child.

Yeah, I have 2 younger siblings. My brother lives 15 minutes away from my parents and my sister lives ½ an hour away.

They all live in Hawaii. I live in Arizona.

So, it’s a long 2 plane all day commute to go see them, which happens to be about 5 times a year for the past 5 years.

And yes, I’m privileged. I’m extremely privileged to be able to fly to Hawaii 5 times a year.

You might not know it by all the whining and complaining I do every time before I go.

But, I know I happen to be one of the lucky ones whose parents saved enough for their golden days.

And, My parents pay for all my trips to go there.

So, yes. I admit to having heaps and heaps of advantages

And, I’d be happy to let you go in my place the next time, if you want to!

Now, let’s get to the other side.

My husband’s parents live just a 2 hour drive from us. They’re 81 & 85.

Luckily, they’re a lot healthier than my parents, so we don’t have to worry about them

Bottom Half of the Sandwich

On the bottom half of our sandwich are our 3 kids.

They live next door in the other half of our duplex.

Yep, it’s much easier to have kids living next door! Out of sight out of mind you know.

One is in college, one finished college, and one dropped out of college.

The thing is, my mother’s been sickly since I was in college,

so this sandwich thing has been going on my kids’ whole lives.

I’m definitely no stranger to the hard choices that have to be made between children and parents.

Ok, getting back to the story about my mom.

My sister took over the conversation, so I eventually just got off the phone and went to bed.

This morning, my sister said she talked to my mom for 2 ½ hours, but she was fine in the end.

Good. I already have a trip planned to see them next month.

I hope everyone can survive the next few weeks!

If you need coaching through any layer of your sandwich, hop on a complimentary coaching call with me right here.

Take care. Bye.

xoxo Lani