should dad go to hospice?

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My sister called me last night.

Dad’s doctor just called me, she said.

He explained that dad isn’t eating much. He’s only eating at most 25% of each meal.

So, he’s losing weight pretty rapidly.

He was 140 lbs 2 years ago, 125 lbs last year, and now he’s 105 lbs.

I asked the doctor if it was normal to have a swallowing problem at this stage of dementia.

He said, usually dementia patients get unsteady on their feet and fall down and break a hip first.

Then they get put on bed rest and that’s when they stop eating much.

But, your dad is doing things out of order.

He still walks fine, but is losing his ability to swallow.

The doctor said we should get together with mom and decide a few things.

First, it says on his POLST (which is the Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment) that he should get trial tube feeding.

There is no time limit put on the trial, so it’s up to the loved one’s discretion.

But, you should decide if you even want tube feeding.

Second, I recommended to your mother a few weeks ago that we do comfort care feeding.

That’s where the nurses don’t feed the patient, but the patient feeds themselves the amount they want to eat.

Your mom hasn’t gotten back to us about that.

Third, we want to record what the family wishes to do if your dad has to go to the hospital for pneumonia or a broken hip or some other medical need.

The options are to either take an ambulance to the hospital or to go upstairs to hospice.

Wherever he goes, he may be staying for a long time.

Hospice? So, how long do you think he has to live? My sister asked.

I don’t know.

But, your dad is qualified to go to hospice instead of the hospital, if that’s what you choose.

It’s more focused on comfort instead of rehabilitation.

And, he can always go back to where he lives now, when he recovers.

So, we have lots of decisions to make with mom, my sister tells me.

Yep, a lot of decisions.

It’s one thing trying to make a decision about your father.

I think I know what he would choose, what the younger him would choose, based on his sister’s long bout of dementia.

But, it’s a whole different undertaking for my mom to make a decision for her spouse of 60 years.

I can’t even imagine.

60 years.

That’s how long my parent’s have been married.

It’s a time of sadness in making all these decisions.

I’ve got a heavy feeling in my chest. And, that’s ok.

It’s just sadness.

We’ll be doing sadness for a while.

I’ll let my mom think about the choices for the next 2 weeks until I see her in person.

Then, ultimately, I’ll let her decide.

Take care, bye.

xoxo Lani