starting over again
My dad has a swallowing disorder.
Yesterday I was watching him eat lunch.
He scooped a heaping spoonful of ground meat onto his spoon and put it in his mouth.
He scooped up a second heaping spoonful and put it into his mouth.
He started scooping a third spoonful when I grabbed the spoon.
He hadn’t chewed or swallowed either of the first 2 scoops yet.
And, his mouth was stuffed with meat.
I waited and watched.
1 minute, 2 minutes, 3 minutes. No chewing or swallowing.
No nothing. Just him staring straight ahead. And, me staring straight at him.
5 minutes later I tried to look into his mouth.
But, his lips were closed so tightly I couldn’t see inside.
The more I tried to pry his lips open, the tighter they got.
The First Possible Solution
Then, he decided maybe he could solve this problem with a drink.
He grabbed the drink and brought the straw to his lips.
Unfortunately, you can’t suck in liquid when your mouth is full of meat.
He kept trying and trying. But, nothing was going up.
The Second Possible Solution
As the straw was between his lips, I dug my pinkie into his mouth and pulled out a bit of the meat.
But, I was afraid of digging in too far and pushing the meat back into his throat.
I didn’t want him to choke because of me.
Eventually, we both just sat there.
We were at a standstill.
I couldn’t get the meat out, and he couldn’t get a drink in.
The Third Possible Solution
I called the nurses.
Two of them tried together, but his lips were once again clamped shut.
Finally, one of the nurses said, I’ll bring him to his room and wash out the meat over the sink.
A New Beginning
10 minutes later they returned.
Time to start over again, the nurse said.
This time, I pushed the drink and the cubed papaya my dad’s way.
And, pushed the meat off to the side.
He ate the whole bowl of papaya just fine.
No matter how dire our situation seems, we can always start over again.
We can always think of a different possible solution that we haven’t tried yet.
Start Over Again
Here are 3 self-care ideas that you as a caregiver might want to start over.
#1. Boundaries.
If you haven’t been good at sticking up for yourself in the past, then maybe it’s time to start over with creating and maintaining boundaries.
It doesn’t matter if you did the thing in the past.
It’s not your problem if other people expect you to always do it.
In Episode 12: How to Make Boundaries That Stick, I went over the formula for making boundaries.
This means saying, Sorry, I’m not able to cover that expense.
It means saying, No, I can’t. I’m uncomfortable doing that.
This means speaking up when people try to take advantage of your personal space or your good nature.
#2. Delegation.
If you’ve been exhausting yourself trying to do everything, then maybe it’s time to start over with more delegation.
Boundaries are about saying no.
Delegation is finding someone else to do it instead of you.
Some of the things you can delegate are household chores, meal prep, medication management, transportation, or even companionship.
You don’t have to do all this yourself.
And, I recommend you don’t.
Get creative.
#3. Stress Management.
If your level of stress is always through the roof, it’s time to chill out and start over with better coping techniques.
First you need to recognize the importance of taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
You can’t help someone else if you can’t cope with your stress.
Some ways I like to relieve mental pressure are getting out in nature, relaxation techniques such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, engaging in physical activity, or of course coaching.
If you need help sticking to your boundaries, delegating, or keeping your stress under control I can get you to that self-confident peace-filled space.
Is it time for you to start over?
Take care of your only you!
xoxo Lani
