steamy texts
This afternoon my husband texted me some porn.
Food porn, that is.
He wants to make me drool over the pictures of his steamy baking pans full of roasted potatoes, garbanzo beans, mushrooms, tofu, onions, and cauliflower.
And man, does my mouth water when I see his photos. Especially those crispy pieces of potato around the edge of pan. You know, the ones that have that have a nice brown perfectly crunchy outside and give just the right amount of texture to your bite.
This is what he does to me when I’m 3000 miles away and can’t shove those tender morsels into my mouth as fast as possible.
He’s the biggest tease.
When I’m home, the story is the same. He wants me to look at the food, drool over the food, but not eat all the food. There’s no way to get the darn food past him unless I sneak it.
Because the one place in the house you can find him 99% of the day is on the couch, which directly faces the refrigerator.
And, you’d better believe he’s got an eagle eye on me whenever I’m in the kitchen.
Unfortunately, it’s not to check out my muscles.
Every morning when I’ve been home over the last 2 months you can find me sitting on the floor of the kitchen with my nose in the book You Are Your Own Gym, The Bible of Bodyweight Exercises.
So far, I can only do a few girlie pushups as I crank up my earpods to I’m a Barbie Girl in a Barbie World circa 1997. No, I don’t listen to the new Barbie songs because I’m an old fart stuck in the last century.
My pushups aren’t doing too much though. Maybe, because I work out right next to the refrigerator and always take potato breaks.
One of my husband’s famous lines is, You’re wasting all the food!
Apparently, when he and his siblings were children, there was just a certain amount of food to go around. Did you know there was a time before Door Dash and an even earlier time when there weren’t even fast food joints on every corner?
Well, his brother saw his sister eating some of that precious food and loudly complained, She’s wasting all the food!
In other words, She’s eating all the food that I want for myself. Totally unfair!
So, since we all bring various ideas from childhood into our marriages, my husband brought the idea that I’m wasting up all the precious food by eating it.
No, he isn’t the only one who can’t believe the quantities I can put down.
Once, two girlfriends and I spent a week together at my parents’ house. Because, you know, Hawaii is always a good place to visit parents. And, Hawaii happens to have the Hapalua.
And, there’s no better place to do a half marathon, because they pass you hot malasadas (which are like freshly made donuts) and ice cold pineapple juice after you cross the finish line. So Delicious! Even though you get a sugar headache and want to throw up right there off to the side of the people still crossing the finish line.
Where do you put all that food? One of them said.
You got a tapeworm or something? Added the other one.
Anyway, getting back to the food porn.
My husband gets used to cooking for one when I’m caregiving in a faraway state. So, when I get back his whole world gets shaken up. We both can’t get enough – food that is.
Oh, did I mention. He does all the grocery shopping and all the cooking. I’m just the eater. So, when I’m home he often has to go shopping twice in the same week, when he’s used to going only once.
Sure, he fake complains and teases, but there really is truth under it all.
Taking care of someone, making sure they’re fed every meal is a big chore. One that often gets old and tiresome. Especially when that someone eats the last of the potatoes. To make it a little easier remember why you do it.
Caretaking is a choice. Giving assistance is a choice. It’s not a have to. Not a must.
If you choose to do it, make it for a good reason. It makes caregiving so much easier.
My husband’s latest and greatest comment the last time I was home was,
Do you think Food grows on trees?!
We broke down laughing until we were crying over that one. You’d better believe we’ll be saying, Do you think food grows on trees, for a while. I said, of course.
I’m looking forward to getting back so I can stop looking at the steamy texts on my phone and grab the real stuff. I miss the smells and the tastes of home. Those are a lot more satisfying than going to the assisted living cafe with my mom every day.
Have a yummy day!
xoxo Lani
