the horrible people in your family
The last time I saw or spoke to my brother was 2 years ago.
My parents haven’t seen him for 2 ½ years.
Not even when I texted him that our father’s health was failing.
Not even when I texted him that our father died.
The Happy Family
Families often have cracks. This is what I hear.
I used to think we had the perfect family.
That was my thought until the last handful of years.
Every summer growing up we would take fun family vacations.
Fishing in Lake Tahoe, driving around Yellowstone National Park in an RV.
It was exactly what you think a happy family would do.
And, we actually were happy.
When we grew up and had families of our own, we all would go on summer vacations together.
Just a little more extravagantly.
All 14 of us went on a cruise to Alaska and a cruise around the Hawaiian islands.
And we spent summer days making matching tie-dye shirts and playing Wii tennis at my parents’ beach house.
We all had a ball.
Until the crack started showing.
My sister refused to go on the cruise to the Bahamas.
I’m not going if he’s going, she said about our sibling.
The Last Time
The last time I saw my brother was the day I showed up at his house with a real estate agent.
Well, he thought it was his house.
But, it wasn’t. It was really my parents’. He just lived there.
My parents did buy the house for him.
They put down a large down payment and expected him to take over the mortgage.
He never did.
The day after I last saw my brother
I sold that house for over a million dollars.
There were 22 offers on the property and I took the best deal.
All cash, sight unseen, and they would evict my brother and his family.
I’m sure my brother thinks I’m a horrible person.
My Mother
My mother had blocked my brother from calling or visiting her or my father in the months leading up to the sale.
She told the front desk personnel to keep a lookout for him and not let him in.
She was over it. She didn’t want to cave in again.
I’m sure my brother thinks she’s horrible.
Last month, my mother texted my brother.
Dad’s not well.
He hasn’t eaten in a couple days.
He forgot how to swallow.
She got no reply.
I told the front desk to let him in if he comes.
But, he never came.
Now that I’m far away from them, I see what horrible people they are,
my mom said about my brother and his family.
My Thoughts
The thoughts I have about my youngest sibling are not so harsh.
I think, He must be confused.
He must be hurting.
I’m sure he didn’t think it would turn out this way.
None of us did.
You know what?
Our thoughts about other people are always optional.
Even those criticizing thoughts about other people in our family.
Because thoughts aren’t facts.
Thoughts are always up for grabs.
They’re choices we can consciously make.
And, I don’t think people are horrible.
Maybe some of the things they do aren’t what I would have done.
Maybe their actions are out of line.
But what someone does is not who someone is.
What someone does comes from their own thoughts and feelings.
Their mixed up, sometimes irrational thoughts and feelings.
Because, most people don’t know that thoughts are optional.
They think thoughts are facts.
They don’t know they have a choice in the matter.
So, we really can’t blame them. Can we?
Plus, holding on to harsh thoughts only hurts us.
If you need help letting go of something someone in your family did, I’ve got you.
We can talk this through.
You've got choices,
xoxo Lani
