why parents are unfair

When we’re growing up we’re taught that one person can’t eat all the birthday cupcakes. We have to split them equally so we’ll each get our fair share.

When we participate in team sports, we’re taught to work together and play by the rules so the game is fair.

The Unfairness of It All

But, when it comes to parents sharing their money, things are surprisingly unfair.

Let me tell you my dad’s story.

My dad’s father was born in Japan and moved to Hawaii to marry my grandma and live.

He believed in the Japanese tradition of giving all of the family wealth and property to the oldest son.

This patriarchal system of inheritance ensured that the family’s legacy and name were preserved, which is very important in Japan.

The oldest son was to become the head of the household and take care of the other siblings.

My dad was the youngest sibling and 3rd boy.

As planned, after my dad’s parents passed away, their oldest son inherited their restaurant and other pieces of property in the prime tourist area of Maui.

Unfortunately, this brother died soon after.

And, as fate would have it, the widow of my dad’s brother decided to keep all the money and property.

Even stranger, she decided to skip a generation and not even share it with her own children.

So, eventually, everything from my grandparents will go to her grandchildren.

Now let me tell you my mom’s story.

Her parents were both born in Hawaii, so their inheritance plan wasn’t quite as patriarchal as my father's.

But, it was close.

My grandfather owned  a house, a small hotel, an auto body shop, and a small piece of land next to the auto body shop.

When my grandparents passed away my mother’s older brother inherited the house and hotel.

Her younger brother inherited the auto body shop.

And, she inherited the land next to the auto body shop, with the stipulation that she rent the land to her brother for a nominal price - for 30 years!

Luckily, she did outlive that 30 years and eventually sold the land to her brother at a discount, finally receiving her inheritance.

My parents are both alive, so I don’t have an inheritance story of my own.

But, I know while they’ve been alive the most money by a long shot, has been given to my brother.

I read about a similar phenomenon in a book once: Parent’s don’t usually split up the money evenly when they die.

They give the most money to the neediest, or perceived neediest, child.

Interesting. 

Consider Yourself Lucky If 

My two cents.

Just don’t count on getting an inheritance.

Plan way ahead of time. Save up your own money. Because life isn’t fair.

And, consider yourself one of the lucky ones if your parent’s have saved enough for their own late in life care.

In that way, I consider myself very, very lucky.

Take care, bye.

xoxo Lani